Confession: I’ve been stuck.
Like, can’t get out of bed kinda stuck.
It’s been going on for weeks.
I show up for my clients (they’ve actually been giving me so much life) and I show up for my business and then I go back to being stuck just as quickly as I can.
And I’m really fucking genius for being stuck. Because the stuckness is me sitting at the gates of a really big portal I’ve been afraid to step through.
I’m afraid because if I stepped into it, I might create even more goodness in my life and I can’t hold more. If I stepped into it, I might be loved for my next level of authentic leadership and that’d feel so vulnerable. If I stepped into it, I might have to embrace my messy brilliance and then what would become of my inner perfectionist?
So, stuck felt safer, more comfortable, more familiar.
This portal requires the dying off and shedding of some parts of me that have been clinging to exist. To perfectionism, to being an overachiever, to having it all together all the time. These things have been ingrained in the deepest parts of my nervous system as coping mechanisms to deal with stress. They’ve helped me be vulnerable but not tooooo vulnerable. They’ve helped me achieve a ton in my life.
And I feel their usefulness rotting away.
The queen deep within me is being birthed. Another layer. A deeper layer. One I couldn’t have foreseen but in my dreams.
She trusts herself deeply. She embraces her unscripted, messy self. Her heart cracks open to let in all of her creations - her wins, her impact, her fuck ups, her everything. Her ownership over her life - good or bad - is vast. And she is a fucking stand for pleasure AND a stand for justice.
So yeah, that’s what I’ve been birthing. If this sounds at all exhausting to you, you may see why chillin’ at the gates of the portal watching Netflix in bed with 🍕 has been the move.
The best part is, this won’t be my last ascension. There will be so many more portals (if I’m lucky enough to keep growing).
So gentle reminder to my future self and to you if applicable, that if you steer directly into the eye of the stuckness storm, there are portals. And your vulnerability is your ticket through.
I’d love to hear from you, does this resonate? What needs to burn off? What needs to be released? What are you stepping into? Comment below and lmk. 🖤
